Saturday, December 29, 2007

What if...

...I was a suspect for a crime I didn't commit? What if they found I was guilty?

It might sound strange, but every now and then I start thinking about it again. I know being afraid of something potentially happening is counterproductive... but I still am. That I'd be convicted for something I didn't do, and that I wouldn't be able to prove the truth. That the police or whoever would actually want me to be convicted, regardless of whether I did anything. And that would be the end of my life, at least anything good that might come of it. Yeah, I know it's one of those stupid scenarios I construct for myself, which are so unlikely to happen. But what if it happened? What if people actually seriously thought I would be capable of something generally considered evil? Could I prove I was innocent? Would it even matter? I mean, wouldn't even the fact of such a doubt cast a shadow over my life forever? What if the people in charge of the investigation are the 'evil' ones? I was just reading through some material for the psychology exam about lie detectors and things like that... and I can't help but think: what if some day I will need to use one of those? What if I'd need to prove myself innocent for whatever reason? And considering how I get nervous when I have to talk to some random shop keeper, how exactly would I be able not to be nervous when I'm being interrogated or something? And wouldn't they interpret that anxiety as a sure sign of guilt? How could I ever prove it's not, if I'd be scared beyond rational thinking?

I know, I should probably go do something else and calm down. But... what if it happened? What could I do then? What would you do?

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