Learning

OK, I'm not an emotional masochist. I'm... uh... good at detecting ways for personal development. In a way, I've managed to reach one extreme in relating to others, the one I hadn't experienced before. Valuing nothing more than other people around me and the act of communication itself. But it's not just about communication... not just about the quantity... but far more about the quality. I can't say I'd forgotten it (I'm still quite picky as far as people go :-P), but the dream I had yesterday brought it more clearly to my awareness. That while I very much needed to experience losing myself in other people, I cannot do so permanently. And that I should dare to go further. Go deeper. To fly, to dive, the way I yearned to do not too long ago. I should not forget that I need the lessons in walking perhaps more than many others... but I also should not forget that I would be ignoring a whole lot more than just one dimension of my being if I limited myself to only that. I no longer need to limit myself that much.

...but I should accept that some things are unattainable. Perhaps not eternally so, but eternity is a long time. And unless I really am an emotional masochist, I shouldn't make my life be about the unattainable. Because life is brief and its years of youth and freedom even more so. I've done enough tormenting myself. Even if I can't let go entirely, I need patience, acceptance and inner peace. I was overcome by the strangest sensation of peace when I came home from lectures today.