About being beautiful #2

I hope we've established that nobody can be liked by everybody. Here, of course, you can say that despite great variations in individual preferences, there are certain general ideas about beauty and attractiveness that are upheld by a great many people in at least your own society/country/neighborhood/area. If you fall short of these requirements, you are likely to get less positive attention than and be treated differently from those who have a stunning appearance.

I definitely agree that being considered beautiful is both pleasant and useful. However, there are other traits of a person that can matter as much or even more than appearance. Also, unless you're horribly deformed, you can probably project a certain feel of attractiveness around yourself if you believe you are attractive. There's definite truth in the idea that others see you the way you see yourself. I imagine it has something to do with subtle body language which sends messages to the subconsciousness of those around you. Sure, the way you look might matter some. But what is more important is how you make people feel. And while changing the former would require drastic measures beyond some point, the latter is much more under your control. From developing socially valuable traits of character like kindness and enthusiasm to those subtle signals you send when you're confident in yourself, this has probably more impact than anything the eye can see... assuming you follow basic hygiene etc.

So, being beautiful is more about acting beautiful. Assuming the point is to have positive social interaction and be noticed by... whichever sex you go for for reproductive purposes... if you get where you want to get through acting a certain way, do looks really matter all that much? OK, if the general instinctive reaction for looks is a "wow", it's probably easier than if there's no reaction, and considerably easier than if the reaction's more like a "ugh", but even in the last case I'm sure it's still possible to make it work for you. Maybe the only reason the reaction is a "ugh" is because you send out the signals showing you expect such a reaction?

What if you say it's not about how other people feel, it's about how you feel? You know, I'm sure there are people who have this one, and I wouldn't be surprised if they set themselves some impossible criteria for being acceptably good-looking, and then felt bad because they couldn't live up to that. OK, let's go over this. What you want is to feel beautiful, right? To look in the mirror and like what you see? You've got these ideas about how you should look to feel beautiful, and the way you do look doesn't quite match those ideas. Now you've got two options: to modify the way you look or to modify those ideas.

Let's say you go with option 1 here. You work out, change your hair colour, buy the kind of clothing that should make you look more like what you want. You've got all that, and then you discover your nose isn't quite the shape you'd like it to be, your ears are too big, your lips too thin... a bit of a tough one, as you can't change those things very easily. But, oh, nowadays there's plastic surgery! Maybe you're just lucky enough to have the money to afford it. So there you go and out you come looking all different, all more like your idea of beautiful. But what's that, the nose still isn't quite like what you wanted... and oh dear, how can you ever live with such small breasts and yellowish teeth? Looks like another visit to the plastic surgery... and then another... and maybe another... and oh my, you got all that done and you're still not satisfied. You should definitely lose a few kilos to get the results you want. Strict diet, intensive exercise. Still a few kilos too many. Probably should stop eating altogether. Lose some more. "What do you mean, anorexia?"

OK, this was an extreme example, and I'm definitely not saying that you should ignore your appearance altogether or anything like that. But think about how all those movie stars and models and people you'd think are already gorgeous, how they're actually going through things like this, using sometimes extreme measures to try to get themselves look better, because they don't really feel they look good enough. The point is that if you aren't satisfied, you aren't satisfied. If you aren't happy with yourself, then no matter how you might want to improve your appearance, it won't make you any happier, or maybe only for a moment. If you want to feel good about your appearance, then the only way to get there is to look in the mirror and accept what you see there. See all those small imperfections that bother you so much, and realise that nobody is perfect. You don't have to try to be the first in that. Maybe all you need is to find the beauty in being just what you are.

This got a bit long-winded here, but hopefully some food for thought. They say beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. That has definitely been my own experience. So don't worry, you can be, no, you are beautiful. :)