Be like the Sun

Of course the cards were right. I looked up some old things, and... oh, I've known it all along in theory, but it's so hard to put it into practice. To be so giving, so courageous, so strong, so self-sufficient... when you're so vulnerable, when the ground under your feet can give way only too easily. I seem so foolish, looking back, I've let my weakness consume me, even though I always knew what's right. Maybe it was how things needed to be... no, I'm sure it's exactly how things needed to be for me. I just could've been so much better for others around me. Nothing we ever do is completely selfless... but how did I not see that caring less about my own happiness and satisfaction would bring more of it to me as well? Because that's the truth, sometimes you can have things only when you give them up. I guess Kierkegaard still has much to say to me, his words are not only about acceptance and surrender, but courage in humility, the seeming paradox can mean so many things and appear in so many ways. Sometimes you need to be simply human. To live the light in your heart, remembering you are no better than any other, and yet are important enough to make a difference. Because everything about your existence, even that very existence itself makes a difference. "If you cannot be a tree, be a bush; if you cannot be a bush, be grass; and be beautiful grass..." I hope, I really hope that at least for now I will remember this. And appreciate the gift I'd previously failed to truly value and understand.