I guess even in my newfound love for Estonia I can't forget the other land and the ideals and symbols that are related to it. I can't have the new without the old just like I can't have the old without the new - at least not have just one and still be happy. So what if I find my spiritual nourishment from soil other than the one that's nourished me physically? So what if the form matters to me as well as the essence? So what if the images might be just phantasms and valuing them unproductive and whatever? It's something that feels right and meaningful and special for me...

Hmm. Maybe I just need there to be something somewhere out there for me. So that no matter where I'm at with life, I can look at that and know there's still room for more. That at no point I've exhausted all my possibilities.

...and here I am again, trying to explain it away for the imagined "rational" audience. Why do I even care? My mind just happens to work a bit differently, I just happen to find some things important.

Right. Whatever. Clearly time to go to sleep.