Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Once upon a time there was a person. Kind of different from and kind of similar to the one I met on Saturday. We talked on the Internet. We talked perhaps for a few months. I'm not even sure how exactly it ended any more. I guess from some point onwards we were just both too busy. And after that I tried and tried but it never happened like that again. Finally I accepted that it was part of the past. Moved on. Life was ahead of me, real life. But sometimes I still remember how it was. To talk to someone who was somewhere between the mundane and the beyond. Who actually showed me that it was possible to live in both worlds, and that I didn't have to choose between the two. At least not on all levels, not all the time. Someone who inspired me. By his very nature.

And I just had to go and look through those old emails again, didn't I. Remind myself of what had once been. Of what might never be again. Not with him, not in this way. Of what might a be faint possibillity for the future in another way with someone else. Of what, no matter how many people there are around me it seems, is not that easy to find. And what am I to do if I do find it? Because the next question is, what is there for me to give to someone like that... and if I don't have an answer to that, is it even right for me to seek communication? Just because there are few things more valuable than such communication for me, doesn't mean it would be the same for them. The very nature of what it is I value makes it seem unlikely.

Though maybe I'm wrong. I'd be glad to be wrong about this. But would I be sitting here, feeling like this, writing these words here then?

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