Saturday, January 12, 2008

Should be studying

No concentration. Something too important in too fragile a state. Regardless of what I have been told, it feels only too likely that if I focus on something else even for a while, I might lose it. It shouldn't happen, it would be so absolutely wrong if it happened... but what if it will even so? I guess I would live on and everything would be ok again somehow, after all I've managed so far. But I don't know how easily. The only thing that doesn't change is change itself... the flow of life makes perfect sense. But this now... it shouldn't go like this. It should be a beginning, not an end.

The Three of Swords. How appropriate.

Chaos all over.

And yet the Ten of Cups. There, isn't it? Something so very good and right. To be shown something so beautiful... and when it seems real, only for it to be so likely to disappear. Maybe it's one of those "painful moments you learn so much from"... yeah, probably. That's what I want after all, isn't it? Personal growth. What better way to have that... But I don't think this is what it's about right now. Not at this time, not in this way. It is at most a challenge to be overcome, to make things more real. The Seven of Wands reversed. If I could only be sure I'm not wrong...

But I don't know if there's anything I can do about this. And the connection I have with the flow of life has taken me where I've needed to go. Perhaps this is a reminder to look within and get in touch with what will always be with me and guide me safe through these troubled waters.

Everything will be how it needs to be. I should know better than to fear for the future.

Yeah... and now if I go back to trying to get some studying done here, I might actually have another thing less to worry about on Monday...

Yes, Merlin indeed. How true... how funnily accurate. worries, you don't need to understand. Any of this.

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