Monday, January 14, 2008

It's really true... one phase in my life is over and another has begun. I'm not sure at all how to feel about that. On the one hand, it's wonderful. On the other hand... while so many new doors seem to be opening, others are closing. Perhaps some of them are doorlike windows, but being able to look through them still holds some significance. Like the world of music, a world I've become so estranged from. In Pärnu, I was always surrounded by people for whom it was important, for some perhaps the most important element in their life. Going to concerts was a usual thing. And doing music myself... singing... I suppose I knew I wouldn't become a professional singer, but I still dreamed about using my voice to share with people a taste of divinity. Close contact with music and the people related to it has probably been one of the biggest privileges of being born into this family. That world has always appeared somehow magical, something better and beyond the everyday life. Even though I know it's far from as rosy as it might seem to some... it is beautiful. And a world that seems to remain farther from me every day. Of course I still listen to music and everything. But there's so little personal real-life contact with it. I miss that.

I think I was going to write about something more general first, but it doesn't matter any more.

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