Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Yeah. Spring must really be getting to me. But I'm learning something new every day. And trusting the flow. Things have been just right so far, really. If tonight I manage to focus on preparations for tomorrow... who knows what floodgates will open after I've done what needs to be done? I am in the middle of such an amazing time that I don't even know why I'm sounding as though I were complaining. Maybe cause the last couple of days have been not quite as amazing. Not even bad, just... kind of useless. Mind you, I did and learned some very important things today. And yesterday, OK so I spent most of it daydreaming, but if anything I've been doing too little of that lately. Though there's the ever-present feeling that time is slowly slipping away through my fingers, and every moment needs to be lived fully. And it is real-life experiences I want in the end. Though yes, sometimes daydreaming can be good. Because not all things can be had in real life.

I wonder if everybody is so full of contradictions. It's rarely the case that I'm neither one or the other extreme cause I'm simply in the middle ground. Nah, it's middle ground cause I'm pulled in both directions. Or however many directions there happen to be with any given issue. Sometimes I wonder why I haven't been torn into several pieces already. Art and science, fear and power, connectedness and independence, action and reflection.

Connectedness and independence. Yeah. Let's be honest, that's the one that's kind of confusing me right now. On the one hand, I want to have long deep meaningful close relationships with people. On the other hand, I want freedom and variety even more. Novelty is the key word. I don't want to be dependent on anyone.

Right. Anyway, I better go and do some preparation for tomorrow now. We'll see what happens from here.

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