Tuesday, January 20, 2009

When the student is ready... (read: keep waiting?)

You know, it's kind of funny how it seems that the older I become, the younger my friends become. 6 years ago the difference could be measured in decades. 3 years ago it was years. Now there is no difference. I remember my mum always used to worry about me not interacting with my peers enough. Well, no worries there any more. I'm actually beginning to worry about the fact that I know too few people that aren't my age. (Or, then again, as I've been worrying about it for the past year, maybe "beginning" isn't quite the correct word here.)

"Worry" is a bit of a wrong word here. I'm not really sure what the right word would be. Feel kind of sad about it, maybe. It'd be great to know someone who'd have seen life and mastered its challenges. Who'd have learned to handle situations and themselves, rather than have it all simply come easy for them. Maybe I'm asking too much from people... maybe my standards are too high. As always. I used to idealize the intellectuals, the cultural elite: authors, professors, the like. Now it's kind of hit me how they're all just people like everyone else. They can be just as petty and prejudiced... just as sad and lost. My own parents seem to have failed miserably at making something out of their lives. How can I really see them as authorities as far as making it goes?

It's like... on the one hand I'm feeling like I want to open my eyes and ears to every person around me because there is something I can learn from everyone. And I really do feel that right now, I feel it so strongly and know it to be true. I so hope I'll make good use of my opportunities with it.

But on the other hand, there are the ubiquitous high standards. I might think I just need someone who's older and more experienced... but that's not really true, is it. A friend of mine uses the name "Master Of Life" on MSN. I guess that's a pretty good way to sum up what I mean.

Ok, I'm getting the feeling I've been over this time and time again in this blog. I'm not really sure why at the beginning of writing this I thought it was going to be something new. Like, I was thinking the exact same thing a year ago! And the situation hasn't changed much, has it... Oh, it has changed so very much in so very many other ways. But this particular one - not even a sign of any improvement here. Standards and everything aside, it really is a problem just meeting older people.

Of course there are so much more productive things I could be doing right now instead of going on about this on my blog. Like focusing on solutions instead of problems. Or simply going to bed, now that I noticed what time it is. I think I'm going to do that last one now.