Perhaps I have been paying too much attention to the symbols and too little to the essence. Seeking to find myself through the symbols, some kind of a deep sacred resonance within. I thought I knew what I was looking for, but now I'm not so sure. The goals and feelings shift so rapidly, I can hardly grasp one when it is already replaced by another.
I know my path is the path of the caduceus, I know that if I know anything at all. But there are many, many ways to walk that path. ...or perhaps it is just the path takes you to many, many different places. It is that of the serpent, not of the arrow after all. In any case, I don't even know if I'm still on it right now. I've actually got no idea where I am. Going in the right direction? Wrong direction? Is there a right or wrong at all? Even in the most personal sense of the word? If there is no higher meaning, does it make any difference what we do with our lives? And why is our happiness and fulfilment more right than our suffering and despair? Who says it is "good"? Us? Does it matter what we say? Does it matter what a speck of dust might want or feel?
So there I am. Wanting to preach love and light, and myself cynical and lost. Disappointed in things I used to value, people I used to look up to. Doubting everything, revaluing everything. How can I believe I can bring meaning to an empty world? To a mankind that I believe to be without a future. Without a purpose. Completely irrelevant in this vast cosmic game. And yet I am a speck of dust like any other.
There is meaning in everything, or there is in nothing. Perhaps it only depends on the perspective.