Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Gerda & Gerly

We got together today and talked for 3 hours in a row... I think we only stopped for a couple of moments and for the most inevitable reasons. Our conversations seem to just go on and on without running out of thoughts or energy... not just not running out, but the amount of both keeps constantly increasing. Of course, we don't get a chance to talk like this very often. And I have known them for 13 years now. So that definitely explains some of it. Maybe even a lot of it. It's interesting how I used to want them to be people I could discuss certain things with when I was younger. And now they are such people. Well, not perhaps in the way I imagined back then, but... yes... there's a really special connection that only now seems to really show itself.

But there are also things to ponder in relation to other people and communication as well. Why is it that the fount of interest and energy never seems to dry up with these two, while it can so easily do so with other people? What does it take for there to be such flow, other than either novelty or a decade long friendship? By the way, really, when you first meet someone, there generally tends to be a period of really fascinating communication - not with everyone definitely, but with some -, but then that somehow dissipates somewhere and in the end you're either silent half the time or talking aimlessly about pointless superficial things. Not that the silence option would necessarily be bad... or actually not that either of the options would be bad... but, you know, if there can be such wonderful exhilarating energizing transformational conversations, if there can be such flow and connecting and a sharing of feelings and experiences and ideas and beliefs... why should you want to settle for anything less?

And I think I know part of the reason why it's not as easy with the others. Or rather I should say why it's so easy with Gerda and Gerly. Especially Gerly. It's because at various points in our friendship, I made some (at that time) quite radical attempts to relate to her on a deeper level. And from one moment, the interest in that level was mutual. And the value of what developed from there was high enough for both of us for the relationship between us to retain an awareness of it even during the 2-3 years when we barely ever interacted at all.

Of course there are factors that are unique and could rarely if ever at all be reproduced with any degree of similarity. And that's probably a good thing. I do feel more and more that these are meant to be two very special relationships in my life. But I think I was more willing to actually make an effort to have a relationship (in the wider meaning of the word) with another person live and grow and gain in meaning. I was more willing to give of myself in certain ways, to be open and outspoken... There are times when it's not only good but absolutely necessary to just be quiet and listen to the other person. But I think - with certain exceptions, naturally - in a good conversation listening and talking needs to be balanced. I've been hearing a lot about how it is necessary to listen to the other in a conversation, and that is natural and makes sense. But I've occasionally gone too far with the idea, I've taken this passive position that doesn't really contribute all that much. Aurea mediocritas... well, one must try at least.

So I'll need to look into how I interact with people and if anything could be changed for the better. Though there seem to be enough changes going on and in the air as it is, so who knows how it's all going to be like in Tartu. And every person is different. It's not about every relationship being like that with Gerly or with Gerda. It's about relationships being all they can be with any given person, taking into consideration the peculiarities of character and situation. And what matters isn't really the quantity of communication, but the quality. So even though I'm not likely to spend much time talking about things privately with any one person during the coming semester, the main thing is to make the most of the time I do spend together with someone.

Wow, that was a lot of writing here just now. Well, if anyone actually still visits this blog, I suppose it's a nice change from all that silence that's been resident here recently.

2 comments:

Milady Verity said...

Ma ei jõua su sünnipäevale tulla - ma olen tööl

anu said...

I think for me it's like relationship with music. Sometimes it's very easy to sing something perfectly with perfect magical feeling and perfect tehnique.But sometimes I have to work really hard and the result is ok but there is no magical feeling that is needed in music. And it's not about the song I'm singing, it's whether there is that right moment or not. But when I look back I understand that this hard working without this real magic was very useful and helped to greate this magic later.

Maybe it's the same with people, we don't have enough energy to have magical bond with everyone we talk to and we don't have those very intense conversations, but it greates base to have these magical moments and intense conversations in future. And we are very happy to have those magical first conversations with some lucky people.

Actually, I was just thinking about it. I just met someone I hadn't seen for two years and I then I saw him only two times.But those two times were very special.First one was in one very special birthday and we had really good conversation. Not long but it felt so good because we had some kind of bond. Second time was special also. And now when I saw him we didn't have this magical conversation, but I knew somehow that it was just about that moment. We were both little tired and thinking about pointless things...I think this bond and intense conversation can happen with anyone but with some people it just happens more often.