Nostalgia. Again.

I wonder if I'll ever find that Danish guy again. Maybe if I do, I will see that the reality is far more mundane than the illusion I have created in my mind. I suppose it is even likely. Yet at the same time, who else if not him? Who else could there be who'd make me feel something like this? Who else could I look at with eyes still full of faith and wonder, even when it is darkness I see, especially when it is darkness I see? A darkness full of power and mystery and knowledge of an unusual kind. Also bitterness and loneliness... somehow that does not mar the picture, but rather enhances it. Like Steppenwolf... a magical Steppenwolf. Someone so different. So beautiful. And so completely lost to me now.

Maybe it is just that he came the closest to matching an image of someone in my mind. Or maybe he even inspired its creation... did it exist before? I'm not sure, it was so long ago. Maybe he just managed to disappear before I ever started doubting whether it was really what he was. Maybe it is a good thing he disappeared... a good thing in that it gives me hope there are people like that still out there. Maybe it is not something one should hope for. Then again, what is?

Oh, I am not complaining really. There is no ground for me to complain about anything right now whatsoever. Everything is just getting better and better. I just... have my dreams. And sometimes it seems to me, that despite everything that was wrong, I was closer to them once upon a time than I am now.

And I know why. But it is something only the Universe itself might help me with. Once I am ready. And it is up to me to live so that I will be ready some day.